Reflections

On Wednesday Kodi will be 1-years-old! I simply cannot believe where the time has gone, and as I look back I have found memories, and some that are also somewhat sad.

For some silly reason, at 5 wks old I assumed that I "needed" to go back to work. So I took Kodi to day care and headed back. Leaving her that day, tiny, unaware, and so innocent, made me shutter with guilt. 

How could I, after begging for a baby for so long, take her to daycare to spend her days being raised by another so that I could go back to work? I didn't want to go back to work, but thought that I needed to for several reasons that now seem somewhat minuscule. 

After taking my latest position for "resume experience" and the "opportunity to better myself",  I realized that not everything is worth it! These past 6 months have been unbelievably stressful, and horrible! My job has literally gone to hell in a hand-basket, and it's been determined after taking this position, that I was literally "set up to fail". After 3 months of busting some serious tail, I find out that the person who I was being commanded to work with, was also being told not to work with me! So essentially, they were guaranteeing that I would fail! This makes me so angry!!!!

I have sacrificed time, peace, and self worth during this time and cannot for the life of me, look back and remember why in God's name I would have decided that this job was a good idea! I've since decided to move on, and it's been a difficult decision and also a very easy move. I have yet, 5 more days and I will be free of this job. At this point, I am willing to give up EVERYTHING I had worked for to move on, including less pay, possibly losing my retirement, etc. Luckily, I don't have to lose my retirement so that is good.

The thing that makes me the most angry is the fact that I have missed so much time with my family due to trying to succeed at this job! I look back and realize that there were so many things that I missed with Kodi! I didn't get to see her walk for the first time, and many other milestones that I so desperately wanted to see. 

Had I to go back again, I would have quit my job on the spot and stayed home with Kodi had it been okay with Dan. As it stands now, I have told both girls that I am committing one more year to UAF, but after that I will not guarantee the free tuition that benefits from my employment. 

I would rather live on a smaller budget, than miss any more time with my baby. I have the rest of my life to work, and I would like to work when she is in school and that is it. 

That being said, I am so proud of my little person. She is such a smart, healthy, happy baby. I couldn't have asked for more! She blesses me each day with her smile, and reminds me why life can be so good. 

Here's to you, my sweet-sweet, boo-boo! I love you! Have a wonderful birthday, Mommy loves you.   

New things

A few new things....

and I'm not sure which one to start with first. So I guess I'll just start with our house news. 

Well we have found a house that we both agree on. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1450 square feet, 2 car garage on 1 acre. It's a REPO, so we'll have to do lots of inspections on the place to make sure there is nothing wrong with it. It's 10 years old, so its not too old but old enough to where if there are foundation issues we should know.

Here's a link to check the place out. Mind you, it is (once again) a repo, so if we get it with no problems, there will be a little bit of work to do on the place. (I'm a bit nervous, because I want to make sure that we don't get into a "lemon". But so far, I really like the place.)

On the other note. Dan and I went to Subway today with Kodi at lunch. As we were leaving, Kodi was walking out (like a cute little wobbly kid) and this little boy walks around the corner, storms up to her, and shoves her! She fell flat on her butt, but didn't cry. I didn't want to freak out because "kids will be kids", but seriously, a 3 year old against an 11 month old is a bit ridiculous. Some people in the dining area were pretty upset at the audacity of this little boy but I didn't want to make a scene and say anything. 

I probably would have if he would have hit her so hard that she hit her head on the floor, but he didn't. 

Then as I was leaving the store, I was kicking myself for not doing anything but picking her up. 

I'm at a loss, I feel like I didn't do enough by letting her kind of figure it out on her own ("uh-oh, GENTLE!!!" to the little boy), and that I'm a bad Mother for not reacting negatively towards the boy. 

Snow Day

The Chase

Well they say that "A picture is worth a thousand words!".
Well then I'd have to say these pictures will keep you laughing.
This is what happens whenever Demi come over....

House Hunting

Well it's official. Dan and I are trying to find a house. 

We all know how this goes. This consists of me finding something I like and Dan absotluely hating it. Then he finds something and *BAM* I HATE IT. 

Sometimes I wonder what drew us to each other because we are so different and want such different things!

We have a max budget of 200K for a house (unless we can come up with the down payment to make up for the difference. And we are somewhat limited on what we can get for that price. Dan would like a turn-key, as would I, but they are either too small or over 60 years old and in need of a lot of work.

So today I find out that Dan really likes this house on Nellie Ave, in North Pole! That's right! North Pole!!! 

Any one who knows Dan knows that he hates North Pole more than anything.

But here's the deal. 

He's gone half the year anyways, and really it's me who would have to deal with getting to work and back. I'd love to be near my parents if anything went wrong in the cold of winter, and to be honest Fairbanks is getting to big for me anyways. 

When I think of a place that I want my daughter to be raised in, I'd rather her grow up in North Pole by far. 

So I'm not pressing the issue. I just think the thing that is driving me crazy at the moment is that the place that he likes, I really like too! OR I at least like it enough to agree with Dan into buying it! It's literally right across the street from a good friend. And we'd be on the back of Chena lakes where we could do tons of outdoor stuff. (IE: fishing, 4-wheeling etc...) 

So there you have it, we actually like the same thing, FOR ONCE!!

So why am I not running out there screaming, "I'll BUY IT!!!" ? Because it's 30K over budget. 

How frustrating.

Take a look for your self. It's a beauty.

The House

Networking

Ok. I understand that when you work with people you need to treat everyone with respect. But seriously, what am I supposed to do when I complete something to the best of my ability, send the paperwork down and say, "Please let me know if they are completed incorrectly so that I can fix them." And then when they call me, they are yellling at me through the phone going, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING??? I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND!!"

So I'm sitting here holding the phone in my hand, SO ready to just hang up on the woman that I bite my toung and say, "I'll re-do them and send them down".

Dear Lord, I wanted to hang up on that woman! It's not like I did them on purpose. I'm doing my best. 

So much for "networking" and building strong bridges with people you work with.

The "Dan look"

It's what we call the "Dan look". It's that look she gets on her face that says one of the following:

"Are you SERIOIUS?"

"You can't be that dumb?"

"Why God, did you put me in this family??"

HA HA....you'll see what I mean. Just look below.

"SOOOOO BIG!!!"

Well it's been a while since I've written. Sorry. I have to say it's been a very busy year and WOW look at that, we're almost through January ALREADY! JEEZ! Will it ever slow down??

Dan just got home a week ago and we're well into his time off and enjoying every minute of it. Here recently I think we might have finally decided to seriously start looking at some houses over the next 10-12 months or so. Financially, we're finally in a great place where we can afford what we'd like to get. So thank you LORD for a great house!

Kodi is HUGE. She is growing with leaps-and-bounds and when I look at her there are times that I get very sad at the thought of my "little person" growing up so quickly. Does it make me want another baby? Yeah. Am I ready for another baby? Now THAT'S a great question!! I'd definately have to say NO. Let me get the fat off first people!!

Actually I think I'd have to talk Dan into it anyways, we we all know how Dan felt about having another baby. So I think I'm pressing my luck on this topic.

Accidently posted my....

picture "post" in my food blog. Here's the link.

http://madglutton.blogspot.com/

This ones for Phil

Ok. So apparently I'm not "posting enough", so I have to fill you all in on what is really going on in my terribly, exciting life!

It's the "NEW YEAR", -45 below and boy every part of me is cold! Currently I'm snuggled under my 500  thread-count sheets, down comforter and the other comforter my Mom made for me. AND my feet are still freakin cold!!! (ok. I guess they are finally warming up, but jeez it's been like almost an hour of me sitting here.) 

Kodi is down for a nap and I'm furiously trying to get as much done as possible while I have this down time. 

Dan seems to be doing well up North. He seems a bit down these last few weeks, and I know that a lot of it has to do with the fact that is so ass cold here and it's not like when he comes home, he gets to come home to a warmer climate! Poor dude. Well it only lasts a few months and then we're on to warmer weather.

Oops. I hear someone crying, I'll post more later when I have a moment.

Christmas and New 2009

Well, 2008 was definetely a busy year. I can't say I remember much of it, the dang thing went by so quickly.

We had many fun times, and many not so fun times. But the best of all is that I got to spend so much time with familiy. Hopefully this coming year we'll have many many more memories to add to these past ones.

Kodi is growing up so much. What a turkey.