My Grandma

I've been thinking a lot about my Grandma lately. She passed away 5 years ago in April.
She was my partner in crime, and the one person who really understood me.
I hate that she is gone. I have to admit. It really makes me angry, because I feel like it wasn't her time and that her death was completely preventable.

My Grandma had colon cancer.

From what I've been told, she didn't go in when she thought she had a problem. She stayed home. I'm not saying I don't respect her faith because I do. With the upmost certainty. But I also know that Doctors can help, especially when it's a preventable disease if caught early enough.

Personally, I feel that after seeing Hayley (my neice who went through Chemo but was still taken from us) go through so much pain and agony, AND have to deal with the Chemo, was too much. I don't really blame her if that is the reason why she choose not to seek the doctor's help, or seek treatment for her cancer. I myself, HATE chemo with every inch of my well being. It kills everything, the cancer yes, but also every other good thing that resides within us. The only thing cancer can't kill, is our spirit and our will to live. That still does not deter my feelings towards the horrible treatment, however.

All of this started because I really wanted to make my Grandma's 7-Layer salad today.

I wasn't quite sure how she made it though...

I didn't have enough time with my Grandma. When I was proactive enough to go out there and hang out with her, it was usually for a short visit because I was so consumed with my own life. This saddens me, knowing I could have had more time with her, had I actually taken the time.

So here I am suffering through this ridiculous recipe, my salad looks like crap, and my two-year-old will not take a nap. I myself, am exhausted and was hoping that she would lay down so I could replenish myself.

But that's not going to happen.