Getting close...

Well it's official, the closer I get the more nervous and anxious I get.

I miss Dan terribly.

I had to get up to pee last night, (well duh) and when I went to go lay back down "Little one" got the hiccups and I couldn't sleep because my whole stomach was shaking with the "HICK-UP'S". I was up for about 40 min I think, then managed to go back to sleep. I texted Dan a few times and he was amused about the hiccups, he had no idea that they got them in the womb.

They do. :)

Once I finally dozed off I realized that although time was getting close it wasn't as close as I wish it was. Uncomfortable is a good word. And MOODY. I'm horribly moody.

The weight gain of course is still freaking me out, and I'm trying to figure out ways to deal with it...but so far the only thing I can think of is just "don't look".

I had a dream this morning that my baby was born at home and it didn't hurt at all. Dan caught her and I had to remind him to call 911 while I was calming her down and rubbing her clean.

It was an odd dream. Oh yeah....and I was craving cigarettes like crazy!!! (I don't smoke) and I tried to steal one from my stepdaughter, (why she would have one I have no idea...ha ha...) then I had to find a place to smoke it so that Dan wouldn't find me. LOL

WOW. I swear I didn't eat any pizza last night.

Just a big frosty.

Ug

35.5 weeks and boy am I getting tired....

Dan left on Monday for another 4-week-stint up North. Don't get me wrong I love the paychecks but being this close and not having him here with me really sucks.

The kids have been staying with me (well Demi) mainly, since Dan left. He told her that she needed to "be him". Which is comical in itself considering she considers this "yelling, using 'the tone' and taking stinky dumps". Funny. I told her I needed help with the house work because that stuff is getting harder for me to deal with on a regular basis. We'll see how that goes.

Dan asked Dani if she could stay with me for a bit, so I think she might come over and stay in a week or so just until Dan gets back. So I might have a full house for a while.

Guess that's better than being totally alone.

At this point I have 30 days left until this kids is "supposed" to be here. Not that, that means anything but it's a point to focus on for the time being.

My legs and feet are so freaking swollen I can barely get the biggest shoes I own, ON. Which is frustrating. So I try to walk around barefoot as much as I possibly can. Or put my feet up. Of course today I have a massive head ache which is bugging the crap out of me but manageable.

Everyone is being real great and compassionate but at the same time saying that "I'd better get ready, because the sleep is only going to get worse".

I wonder what this kid is going to be like? She hasn't moved that much since my getting bigger. I'm "officially" pregnant now. Can't hide it unless I layered profusely and told everyone that I was just "heavy on top". Yeah. Right. I even ran into this friend I used to have the other day, we were both trying to get pregnant the last time I saw her. Well she stopped coming to church and was never able to get pregnant and I was. When she saw me she said with disdain in her voice "you got PREGNANT." *huff* and i'm like "uhhhh sorry...."

How gay. What am I supposed to apologize for getting pregnant? First off, I've already lost one baby, and I don't have any kids. You have 3 beautiful girls. Can't you at least wish me luck or something? Doubt it.

Anyways...heads pounding I need to get going or go for a walk.

Heads up, chins forward....it'll only get better.